Two Years and Counting


20 weeks
June 28, 2009, 5:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s a girl! We had our 20 week appt on Thursday and found out the news. I have to admit, right when she said “it’s a girl!” my first thought was, “Huh?” I didn’t realize it until right then, but I think I was expecting a boy. But I’ve pretty much settled into the idea of a girl. We’ve told many of our friends and my husband’s parents, but we’re not telling my parents until next weekend when we see them in person. It’s SO hard to talk to my mom on the phone and not tell her! I’ve had to lie through my teeth, telling her we’re not finding out until the week after the 4th of July. Telling M’s mom today was really fun, and I can’t wait to tell my mom!

I figured I’d immediately go out and buy something as soon as I found out what we were having, but I haven’t bought anything yet. I’ve found the baby book I want, and I’ve made some decisions as far as infant car seat, stroller, etc, but I feel like the first item of clothing I buy this girl is important–I want to get just the right thing. So when she’s 20, I can say, “This is the first thing I ever bought you!” I already have a bag of girl clothes my friend picked up from a yard sale a friend of hers was having, and this kid already has blankets out the wazoo thanks to my mother in law. I suppose I need to start buying stuff myself.

One thing the tech did notice on the ultrasound, and that the doctor confirmed, is that our baby has some fluid that has collected on her kidneys, meaning it’s not draining as it should. They said a lot of times babies grow out of it as they continue developing. We’re getting another u/s at 28 weeks to see if the fluid is still there. If not, great, and if it is, she’ll refer us to a high risk doctor for another u/s. She said most likely, he’ll say, “Can it be a sign of a chromosomal abnormality? Yes, but there’s still a good chance she’ll grow out of it, and we’re just going to wait and see what happens.” I feel pretty confident with this doctor that if there was a reason for us to worry right now, she’d tell us. Yes, it’s a tad annoying to have to think about it for the next 8 weeks, but I’m doing pretty good not worrying about it. If it turns out to be anything more than reflux (which is what the tech said it can sometimes indicate), we’ll deal with it when the time comes.

Other than that, she said the measurements were all good and normal. She didn’t measure my uterus, like she did last time, and I didn’t think at the time to ask her about it. Sometimes I feel like girls on blogs and in forums come away from their appointments with so much more info than I have…all these numbers and stats and things that my doctor doesn’t mention and that I don’t know to ask. I’m 100% confident in our doctor and the practice she’s in, so I know it’s not that she’s not taking good care of me. It may just be that I’m trying to have the attitude she has, which so far as been positive and laid back, and I’m making a big effort not to freak myself out too much so I’m not reading a ton online about measurements, stats, etc. And I’m ok with that right now.

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17 weeks
June 8, 2009, 2:27 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I see I haven’t updated here in a while. Every time I’m on the computer and I think about updating, I wonder what I’ll write about. I think it’s partly the fact that I started this blog as a place to vent frustrations about infertility and connect with others going through the same thing (which proved to be so valuable to me), and now that I’m pregnant, I’m wondering what to write about without making anyone uncomfortable and/or sad…and partly because maybe I’m afraid I’ll jinx all this if I talk about it too much! Seriously, I know how sensitive I was (and in some ways still am…more about this later) when I was trying to get pregnant and heard someone talking about her pregnancy or new baby. Granted this is a little different because someone can choose not to read my blog anymore if it bothers them (and I wouldn’t blame them at all) whereas if you’re in conversation with someone who starts to talk to you about their baby, there’s nothing you can do except try to wait until you’re alone before you start to cry (or was I the only one who did that?!)

So, I struggle a bit with how to approach this blog now. I definately desire a place where I can talk about things that are on my mind and connect with other people, pregnant or not. But I don’t want to hurt anyone who is still on the journey to conceive. So, even if I talk about things having to do with my pregnancy or pregnancy in general, please know that in my day to day life, I strive very hard to not hurt anyone who may be on that journey, and I watch what I say as much as possible when I’m around people whose whole stories I do not know.

So, all that said, I’m 17 weeks and doing well. I missed out on morning sickness, which made me very happy and feel very lucky, as I have many friends not so lucky. We find out the se.x in about two and a half weeks. Things are definitely feeling more real now, as I have a small bump and have had such strange changes in my body. Some of them you’re prepared for–weight gain, bbs getting bigger, having to eat more often–but others have been surprises. I have the oddest pang and twitches in my belly from time to time. Not the baby-kicking kind of twitches–I haven’t felt those yet. But just other pains and things that come and go. I’ve had a bit of round ligament pain…that comes mainly when I stand up quickly or change positions quickly. It can be a really stabbing pain that catches me off guard, but it only lasts a couple of seconds. Yesterday I was feeling more regular, but much less painful, twinges, off and on all day. I didn’t call the nurse because I didn’t want to be “that girl” who calls with every pain. But I did call today just to let her reassure me that it’s RLP and not something else, which she did. I’m sure they’re used to women calling often.

I’m also burping a lot, and my hunger pains come on very forcefully and without warning. In the beginning, I was eating literally every two hours. I could almost time the hunger pains… I knew exactly when they’d be coming. Now, it’s not as regular, but when they do hit, boy I better have something to eat on hand. And I’m eating mostly healthy snacks. I’ve tried hard to not give into every craving of salty potato chips (my only true craving, other than cold OJ), and am trying to stick to fruit, cheese, nuts, peanut butter, etc.

I’m getting better with the resentment of other women who get pregnant (I think I mentioned that in an earlier post.) However, I still find myself feeling uncomfortable sometimes around babies. It’s weird-I’d think most pregnant women get excited to see and play with babies, but I still find myself having the familiar feelings of “That’s not for me”–feelings I had during our two year IF struggle. A few weekends ago, we were at the beach and ran into some friends of my parents, and they were holding their precious 6 month old grandbaby. M and I were sitting facing towards each other on two lounge chairs, and they were standing sort of behind me. The whole time they were there, I could hardly look at them–even though by next summer, my parents will be doing the exact same thing with my baby! I just felt like I needed to keep my face forward and not look at them too much. I think the feelings that carved themselves out a place in my brain during that time are sticking around, even though I am pregnant, and God willing, I will have one of those babies in November. It just still feels like babies and mothers with babies are part of a world that I’m not a part of. Maybe those feelings won’t truly go away until I am holding this little one.

I’m not as scared that something bad will happen to this pregnancy. At 17 weeks, I’m digesting the fact that chances are, I’ll have this baby as planned. I’ve passed the “dangerous” time (although we know anything can happen at any time), and a friend pointed out yesterday that it’s not too far off til I’m at the point where if something did happen and I went into early labor, the baby would have a decent chance of being ok. M and I have decided to not having any testing done on this baby–tests to determine abnormalities like Downs Syndrome. We thought about it and asked our doctor for her opinion, and she said if we wouldn’t do anything if we found out there was a potential problem (i.e., we wouldn’t have an abortion, which we wouldn’t) then she’d suggest we not do the testing. She said if she thought I needed to do it, if I were a higher risk, she’d tell me, but that it would be fine if I decided not to. She also pointed out that there’s a decent chance of false positives with the tests, and that it could pick up an abnormality when there really isn’t anything there. I know my tendency to worry, and I know that if we got any abnormal tests, I would worry and wouldn’t be able to enjoy the pregnancy. We’re just going to trust that God will give us the baby He intends for us to have.

Other than that, I’m furiously reading through Baby Bargains, and trying to make decisions on strollers and car seats, so when it comes time to register, I’m ready. I’m a planner and I like to have all the facts before I make a decision, and this book is fabulous in that it gives you so much information about every crib, stroller, car seat, baby monitor, that you hardly have to do any “test-driving” in the store–you can almost just buy what they recommend. It’s a life-saver, since all this stuff is totally new to me. It’s like learning a new language!

I hope everyone is doing well. I’m keeping up with many of your blogs even though I haven’t been updating here often and am not commenting much.

P.S. Has anyone heard of any cute (but not cheesy) ideas for fathers day for fathers-to-be? I’m drawing a blank.