Two Years and Counting

March 3, 2009, 1:21 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So, the waiting is harder than I thought it’d be. I expected this sense of calm that I’ve felt throughout this whole process to follow me into this week of waiting, and I still feel some of it. But I’m finding myself battling a lot of “What if”s. I’ve felt twinges of cramps, which typically precede my period coming, so that’s making me nervous. I know they say to ignore cramps and symptoms because it’s most likely just the progesterone, but it’s hard to ignore it when every month for two years, I’ve gotten cramps a week before my period starts. Of course, I feel them and think, “Well, that’s it, I’m not pregnant.” I’m trying hard to silence those thoughts and focus on what is true right now, today.

I’ve started flipping through this book called “Calm My Anxious Heart.” I got it a couple weeks ago when I was still feeling calm and peaceful about it all, but now I’m glad I have it. This morning I was reading through it, and read this…
“God grant me the serenity to except the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.”

Who know that the serenity prayer was longer than that often-quoted first line? The part I’m trying to take to heart is “living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.” If I continue to worry this week, I’ll have spent 6 or 7 days making myself miserable instead of enjoying these beautiful days God has given me.  Psalm 112:7 says, “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”

I’m asking God to do immeasurably more than all M and I can ask or imagine…however He chooses that to look. I know that He may not intend for me to be pregnant now, or ever. That thought makes me want to cry, but instead, I remind myself that He is able to do so much more than I can possibly imagine, and I’m asking him to do so.


1 Comment so far
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The manner in which you are waiting is so pleasing to God!

Comment by andrea_jennine

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