Two Years and Counting

Moving on
November 20, 2008, 9:28 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hi everyone. I haven’t had a chance to really update here becuase everythign else has been so crazy. The last week and a half have been spent getting my resume and writing samples together, cleaning out my office at work, sending a million emails to friends explaining what’s going on, answering lots of questions, etc. And also seeing my company basically being dismantled, which is really sad. At least I’m not alone in this–so many people in my company have been laid off or moved, and it’s mostly due to the changing economy and an aggressive reorganization plan aimed to basically save the company at large.

But with all that said, I’m sort of feeling good about this forced change in my life. I’ve been with this company for seven years; it was my first job after graduation, and other than the six months I spent working at a book store between my internship here and full time job, I’ve been here ever since. I’m very thankful for my time here–while I have had some issues over the years with parts of my job, overall it has put me in a place where I’m hoping to be able to freelance and actually make some money doing it. And I’ve made connections here that I hope will serve me well in the future.  And with the freelance stuff, if I hadn’t been laid off, who knows if I would have really stopped and taken the time to try to make a go of it as a freelance writer? I will be getting a part time job to bring in some money, but this is my time to see if I can make it in the freelance world. We’ll see what happens. (M is very supportive of this plan, which I’m so thankful for.)

The only thing that has kept me from fully being excited about this opportunity is the withdrawal of my wonderful health insurance at the end of Feb. M and I have been thinking off and on–God, what are you doing? It’s a mystery. First He keeps me in a job that I didn’t like (like I said, I had issues with my specific job for a while) and I didn’t understand why He wouldn’t open the door for me to go somewhere else, but then we start to try to get pregnant and it doesn’t work. Lo and behold, my company offers unbeatable insurance, and I get my answer as to why He was keeping me here. So I’m good with that. I feel like I can be cautious in my approach to getting pregnant, not jumping into anything too quickly. But then I lose my job, and with it, my insurance (well, after severance runs out.) Now what? I’m still not pregnant, and we’re forced to deal with decisions we (I) didn’t want to have to make yet.

That was my thinking last week. I had a bad day Friday when I got the “negative” phone call from the nurse at the clinic that dashed any tiny hope that God would let us get pregnant the same week that I lose my job. 

But now, I’m more ok with things. Yes, this makes us have to “fast track” our treatment, but for me, I think this may be an ok thing. I was so hung up on not wanting to do anything too invasive and medical in order to get pregnant, but M and I both want a child so badly. Not just for the sake of having a baby or for me just to be pregnant, but we both want to start our family, start that new chapter, impart as much love and care as we can into the children God gives us. And I’m now sort of ok with the fact that this lay off is making me put my fears behind me and take a step forward. I know that God won’t let us make a huge mistake when what we really want is His will and to follow His plan for us. That’s what we really want, so all we can do is take a step and trust that He’ll correct our course if it’s wrong. But I can’t ignore the fact that insurance is running out soon and we still want to get pregnant. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me I need to take this step, trust my doctor, and do what she suggests. Maybe it’s His way of letting me know that for some reason that only He understands, M and I are going to need more medical intervention in order to have a family.

I called last week to get an office visit appt with Dr H so we can let her know about my job and ask her how she thinks our time will be best used. They said the first appt she had was Dec 9, which would be at the end of my next cycle. I was super disappointed, thinking waiting another cycle means one more cycle closer to the end of insurance. They said they’d put me on a waiting list in case anyone cancelled. The next day, they called with a cancellation! So now we’re seeing her Monday. That was the good news of the week.

So, that’s me in a nutshell right now. I’ll be back to let you know what she said about our new path.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I am so excited about your new path, both as a writer and on the baby journey. I hope you’ll keep us updated on both! You are in my prayers.

Comment by Robin

Glad to hear an update; sounds like the Lord is clearly directing you and giving you peace!

Comment by andrea_jennine

Can’t wait to hear what she says – certaintly God is in control and little things llike a cancellation just remind you that He can make it happen when its His time. Praying that this is your time for a baby and a wonderful freelance career as a working from home mom!

Comment by Stephanie

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