Two Years and Counting

July 17, 2008, 8:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve put myself on a bit of infertility detox this week. Despite an encouraging talk Monday night with a girl from my church who dealt with IF in the past, I had a rotten day Tuesday. It was like I couldn’t turn my brain off and it kept rehashing over and over all the things that I just can’t imagine working out well. I finally told God that there’s no way I can make the decision to go forward with ivf or not, that he’s going to have to somehow get me to a place where I’m at peace with going in one direction or the other. But the game plan of just thinking about the situation enough to where I’m able to make the decision isn’t working out so well. I can’t imagine all the necessary things (a decision on freezing or not, M being on the same page as me and being comfortable with my overall decision, me being ok with all the medications, etc) actually coming together in an agreeable way, so I’ve had to stop thinking about it. There have been times in my life where I couldn’t imagine things working out at all, and by God’s grace, they did, and I have no choice but to believe that somehow, God will work this situation out. Either I’ll have peace about going forward with ivf (including peace in my/our decision about whether or not to freeze) or I’ll have peace that ivf is not for me. Either way, I just want to feel good about the decision. Right now, I don’t feel good about much surrounding this whole thing.
So, I’m not talking about it! I’ll tell you some other things…
Last weekend, my mom and I drove to Atlanta to spend the weekend shopping! That’s not something I do very much. I’m the world’s guiltiest shopper—meaning that I feel guilty spending money on myself and can pretty much talk myself out of buying anything…either that or I actually buy it and bring it home, then feel guilty about keeping it! M told me to live a little, and I did! But the cool thing was that because of the places we shopped, I got great deals on everything, which is always more fun.
Our main purpose in going to Atlanta was to visit the An.tique Market, which we did on Saturday. They have it the second weekend of every month, and it’s open to the public. There are hundreds of vendors selling antiques of all kinds—from high-end pieces of furniture all the way to knick-knacky collectible items. I bought a few cool things to put on the top of the armoire that holds our tv. It was a big empty space and I got a cool old box that has an old biscuit maker’s label on it, a basket, and a glass apothecary jar. My mom bought an old wooden trunk to use as a coffee table.
On Friday, we went to the Amer.ica’s, which is the merchandise mart where people from all over the south buy merchandise to stock their shops. This was an enormous undertaking. The mart is comprised of 3 tall buildings, each one at least 10 stories tall, and each floor is filled to the brim with vendors. One building is apparel (including jewelry, sunglasses, clothes, luggage, etc etc), one is the gift mart (I don’t know what was in that one) and the third is I think home goods. We spent about four hours there and only went to one building. In fact, we only visited four floors in that one building! You really have to have a clear idea of what you’re looking for or you can get totally bogged down. We were just sort of looking for fun, so it was easy to get sidetracked.
After we left the mart, we went to H&M. I was so excited to discover that Atlanta has an H&M. If you’ve never been to this store, make sure you make a stop there whenever you’re in a city that has one (basically all the big cities have one.) It has really low-priced designer knock-off clothes. I’m definitely not a designer kind of girl, but I love the prices. You usually have to be prepared to dig through stuff, and it’s not all cute, but you can find some great things. I ended up only getting two shirts, but they were $5 each!!  I also made a stop at An.n Ta.ylor Loft, which we have, but theirs was much larger. I got a really cute black and white dress that was originally $99 (way overpriced, in my opinion) for $29.88! We also made a stop at the Bal.lard Backroom, which is where Bal.lard Des.igns sells all their overstock and lightly damaged pieces. I got two great rugs for my house, each for under $20. OH! We also went to an IKEA, which I’d never been to. What a place! I told M we have to go back the next time we’re looking for furniture.
And maybe the best part of the weekend was our hotel. My brother’s girlfriend lives in Atlanta and has a friend who works for Hotel In.tercontinental and can get “family and friends” discounts. She got us the discount, so we stayed in this super plush hotel for the same price we would have paid at a much more modest hotel. It was so great! I did feel a little out of place pulling around to the front in my little S.aturn V.ue when all the other cars were shiny jaguars and hummers, but I got over it pretty quickly! The beds were heavenly, and the bathroom was swanky with a huge spa-type bathtub (that neither of us used) and a tiled stand-alone shower. The hotel plus all the shopping and visiting shops we’d never been to before made us feel like we were on a real vacation. It was definitely a much needed break.

This weekend, M and I are both in town together, and we’re having some friends over for some grilling in the backyard. Other than that, it’ll hopefully involve having a clear mind and a relaxing weekend. Hope you all have a nice one! 


10 Comments so far
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Sounds like a great shopping trip! I might have the same dress from Ann Taylor Loft; sort of a shirt/wrap dress, black with embroidered white dots arranged in flowers and circles? Of course, they were carrying a lot of black & white this spring/summer, so maybe not…

Comment by andrea_jennine

shopping sounds awesome! I love Ann Taylor Loft. I go everytime I have to go to the doctor b/c its right around the corner from her! I have another piece of IVF advice for you. Our doctor is a Christian – I don’t know if I’ve said that before but I may have and all her staff at the satellite office in my town are Christians. Its helpful when they say that we have done our part and now its up to God. They know they aren’t playing God they are just there to help. Its still a fine line to walk but I think its doable. Email me if you ever want to chat.

Comment by Steph

Love H&M. Whenever I can, I always get their LOGG tshirts & wear them under my suits. Hope you find some peace & direction with the IVF soon

Comment by gracechild

OMG Americas Mart sounds like a dream to me. We have a recenty opened H&M here in Cairo believe it or not, I will go check it out now. I sure hope you get to a place where you feel comfortable soon. You said it though, God will show you what is the right thing to do, the right decision to make. I always say a special prayer when I have a decision to make, and it always seems to work out for teh best thing for me. IF you want I can email it to you. My email is on my blog….

Comment by Wishing4One

Sounds like a sweet shopping trip!! Glad you were able to get some relaxation time and some great deals.

I’ll continue to pray for wisdom with the IVF decision.

Comment by Nity

I know I don’t know you, but your words touched me about your infertility. It’s like we’re on the same wavelength. I’m not quite where you are yet in the whole infertility thing (I have 2 more cycles of clomid to go), but I’m not too optimistic at this point. Every time I talk to my husband about it or anyone else I bawl. I just don’t know if I can go through IVF. I know that decision is going to come and I don’t think I can do it. God will show you the right thing, but when? It’s hard to be patient. I will pray for you.

Comment by Amanda

ohhhhh i love love LOOOOOOOOOOOVE h&m. so so glad they’ve come to canada. i spent $100 there last time. heh. heh.

Comment by Just Me

Hi Amanda. I’m glad what I wrote helped you in a way. I hope you can get to a point that you have some peace about the journey you’re on. Maybe try not to think ahead to IVF. You’re not there yet, and maybe you won’t have to get there at all. You can cross that bridge when you come to it, and just concentrate on where you are right now. (I’m talking to myself here too! It’s hard to not think about what’s down the road, but it really does help to just put that out of your mind for a bit since it’s not what you’re presently dealing with. I’m trusting that God will somehow show me the right path, and he’ll do the same for you.

Comment by Lauren

Sounds like a super fun weekend, you’re making me want to go shopping! lol

Comment by LaLa

Thanks for your advice, Lauren. The drugs are making me crazy emotional and not myself 😦

Comment by Amanda

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