Two Years and Counting

CD 16 and counting
April 8, 2008, 4:00 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Just a quick update. I went back for my second acup appointment Monday, as well as my CD 15 u/s and b/w. (I’m a late ovulator, something the acupuncturist is going to try to correct.) I had a follicle on each side, but both were small (1.1 cm and 1.4 cm), and my lining was still thin, so they told me to come back today to check again. I went back today mostly expecting things to have progressed enough to go ahead with the trigger, but to my surprise, only one of the follicles grew (1.1 cm to 1.3 cm), while the other “follicle” that was at a 1.4 cm got smaller. (They now think that might not have been an actual follicle.) So, they took blood again and told me to come back in two days, in the hopes that by then the follicle will be measuring big enough (1.8cm or larger.) The nurse practitioner said if my estradiol had gone up today, that would signify that things are still moving towards ovulation and that the follicle is getting larger. I checked my patient voice mail a little while ago, and the estradiol level had risen, albeit not by much. So, I’m going in Thursday. If things aren’t measuring correctly by then, we’ll have to scrap this cycle. M and I are going out of town on a church retreat this weekend, so we won’t be around for a weekend iui. Plus, if that’s the case, I’ll have a mystery on my hands–no sign of ovulation by CD 18 or 19, when I’m fairly regular at CD 16.

Wouldn’t you know that the month I tell myself I’m going to just go with whatever happens, not fret over what I can’t control, not overanalyze every temperature fluctuation, twinge, and thought, my body up and does something unpredictable. I don’t feel like I’m really stressing over this, it’s just a little frustrating. I’m trying really hard to not worry about missing our chance for the iui because we’re not there yet. I’m a pro at worrying about things before they happen, and I want to make a conscious effort to stop doing that to myself, this situation included.

Even if we miss our chance, God is bigger than missed iui’s. He’s bigger than late ovulation. He’s bigger than the ups and downs of my BBT chart. He can cause me to get pregnant when the time is right regardless of any of this technical stuff. I want to remember that. I want to trust him so fully that I can go through my days without letting a smidge of worry cross my mind. I don’t know if I’ll make it to that lofty place, but I’d like to stop thinking about it so much. “It” being the whole process of trying to get pregnant when it’s not working out in our favor.

Again, I think I’m more disappointed by the thought of having to continue down this road of doctors, needles, catheters, latex gloves, and every other impersonal thing you can think of to help you get pregnant, than I am of actually not getting pregnant. I truly do believe that’ll happen. I just need to decide how much of this process we’re up for before we decide to sit it out and just let it happen in God’s time…or try another route entirely.

So, I guess this wasn’t a quick update afterall!

1 Comment so far
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God is, indeed, bigger than it all! And although I hope you don’t need to go any further down the road of medically-assisted conception, I can tell you that the realm of ARTs is a lot more bothersome in anticipation than it is in actuality (at least in my experience).

Comment by andrea_jennine

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