Two Years and Counting

In limbo
March 7, 2008, 10:49 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

M and I have been on track to have our 3rd IUI sometime this weekend. Things were looking fine until this morning, CD13, when I saw that my temp had risen fairly significantly, over the coverline. Since I’ve been charting my temps, I’ve ovulated on CD16 or 17, and as late as CD19 one month. I’ve told the nurses that I don’t need to start the OPKs on CD9 like they tell most people, because it’d just be a waste of money for me to start that early. Instead I start them on CD12. I did my first one last night and it was negative. Lo and behold, the temp rise this morning. So, I’m left wondering if it’s because I was buried under extra blankets last night (I got really cold for some reason last night) or if I ovulated extra early this cycle, even with a negative OPK, and we missed our chance for the IUI.

Strangely enough, I’m not overly concerned about it. It’s not because I don’t care or that I wouldn’t be frustrated if we missed our chance at the IUI, but because I’m getting very tired of trying to decipher all the bells and whistles of this whole process. Figuring out what every little cramp and twinge mean, why my temp was extra low or extra high today, why I ovulated 48 hours after my trigger last month, why I always feel cramps a week before my period starts, etc etc etc. I’d rather not spend my day analyzing those 3 numbers on my thermometer and what they may or may not mean.

All the magic of this supposed-to-be beautiful process has pretty much slipped out the gate and I feel like I’m left with the technical, medicinal, sterile aspects of it. We’re working on making the rest of the month as special as it can be, but the week and a half around mid-cycle feels pretty clinical and stale. And to think that my body may have done something totally out of the ordinary and tripped us all up feels sort of someone stuck their thumb on an already tender bruise and pushed down on it just for kicks.

Deep down though, I know that’s not it. It’s just my knee-jerk reaction to it. It may not have been a true temp rise. I won’t know that until tomorrow morning. If it is though, I’ll be reminding myself that God is GOOD in this and every instance in my life. He’s not good sometimes and not at other times, he’s good ALL the time. If we missed our chance for the IUI this month, maybe he’s just telling me to not put all my eggs and hope in the IUI basket. Although, I must say I feel pretty confident that I’m not putting my hope in these IUIs. I’m not feeling too confident in anything getting us pregnant these days except God miraculously making it happen.

2 Comments so far
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It is frustrating how clinical and nit-picky everything gets, huh? Don’t give too much weight to one temperature reading; try to think big picture. I’m willing to bet you haven’t missed your chance this month. Hang in there. All these things are in God’s control, and conception is a miracle whether it is “spontaneous,” well-timed and orchestrated, or even medicated.

Comment by andrea_jennine

I know how you feel. After a while its just too much information to process. & thats when you know that God is all powerful because somehow He arranges all these things to line up for us in His time

Comment by gracechild

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