Two Years and Counting

Mystery or Mastery
November 29, 2007, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I made our first appointment today with a fertility specialist. I guess this is the first step towards getting pregnant. Or, not really the first step, since we’ve been taking the first steps since January, but this is the logical next step I guess.

I’ve found a very insightful article about infertility on the Presbyterian website “By Faith Online.” It’s called Infertility: Mastery or Mystery. My church is Presbyterian, but I didn’t go looking specifically for a presbyterian’s viewpoint of infertility. I was googling something a month or so ago, and this popped up. I’ve read it three times since then. It talks about how when we experience infertility, we’re reminded that God is the giver and sustainer of all life, and we are not in control of our lives. The author compares the mystery of infertility as talked about in the bible (Sarah, Rebekah, Elizabeth, Hahhah, and Rachel all experienced infertility, or barrenness) with our culture’s need to master infertility and other diseases, and our desire to have a suffering- and pain-free existence. She says, “Suffering in a godly way, waiting on God to act, can have the effect of producing wisdom, humility, and patience (see James 1:2-5)—virtues desperately needed in the world.” She also quotes bio-ethicist C. Ben Mitchell, who says, “…trials, including infertility, are sometimes brought into believers’ lives as an encouragement to pray.”

I keep thinking there must be some reason God has so far kept us from getting pregnant and having a baby. Maybe the reason is to teach me (or us) a lesson in humility—acknowledging that God does not owe us a child—or in wisdom and patience—learning to trust God’s timetable, rather than trying to control everything myself. Maybe he’s waiting to teach us to come to him in fervent prayer, instead of haphazard and infrequent prayers. Maybe it’s another reason entirely.

Then another part of me thinks that it could have something to do with environmental factors. I always seem to stumble upon articles talking about how the cosmetics and lotions we use on a daily basis are full of toxins that supposedly contribute to everything from break-outs to infertility, or how water pipes, pesticides, and toxins in the air all contribute to decreased fertility. I usually just try to put these things out of my mind because it’s just too big to think about trying to rid my life of all these things that may or may not affect fertility (not to mention overall health). I’ve yet to find many lotions or shampoos that don’t include parabens or sodium laureth sulfate, buying all organic groceries is more than my food budget can handle, and I can’t do a thing about the air I breathe.

Couple this with the fact that infertility is much more talked about these days, even more than just ten years ago. Maybe that’s because people are more comfortable talking about it now. But could it be because the incidence of infertility is actually on the rise? If it’s on the rise, I know part of it is because many women are waiting longer to have children, but part of it could also be due to these increased environmental factors that are more toxic than in years past.

But even when I think maybe my inability to get pregnant has some environmental reason (since there seems, so far, to be no medical reason), there’s the voice that reminds me that God is still in control of it all. Nothing happens to me that is outside of his control. Regardless of what the reason is, he’s allowing this time in our life for a reason. I’ll probably never know why I’m having to wait longer to get pregnant, but if it serves some purpose for good, and God promises me that it will be for my good, then so be it. I just pray that he keeps us on the path of his will for us, and that he leads us to make wise decisions as we continue in this journey.


6 Comments so far
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Welcome to the infertility blogosphere! I hope your infertility ends and your blogging lasts. I’m always glad to meet other believers in this online community. I really appreciated your thoughts in this post.

Comment by andrea_jennine

You might want to read “The Empty Cradle: Infertility in America” if you want a historical review of IF. One thing the authors point out is that IF levels have remained relatively stable for the last 200 years — from 10-20%. There hasn’t been a magical jump in IF rates recentely, but there seems to be an increased awareness of the problem because more people have started talking about it.

Comment by sharah

Hello! Popped over from Stirrup Queens to welcome you to Infertility Island. I hope your stay is short.

Comment by Orodemniades

Welcome to blogland. Best wishes with your first RE appt. I’ll have to check out that article you refer to, sounds interesting. I’m struggling a bit with how God fits in with my infertility – although I know He is in total control, part of me feels like it’s just my circumstances = I didn’t get married until I was 38 and so my eggs are old. God designed us to be most fertile in our teens….but I’m praying that He performs a miracle for me. I pray He does for you too. I look forward to reading your blog.

Comment by Soapchick

Hi! I found your blog from here (, and I’m so glad we connected. My husband and I have uttered these same questions/thoughts over and over that you write about in this post. Last week we were talking AGAIN about the way God uses fertility in the OT to teach his people that he’s in control. And my hubby started to tear up as he said, “It seems God is saying that HE wants the right to life. He alone.” It’s still hard, no matter how firmly we believe God is in control and wants our best – the hurts still come.

My hubby and I are on the same track as you – trying since the end of December last year. I just made my first step to try to find a doctor around here who will work with our charts and not jump into medicine. Deep breath…

I’m bookmarking your blog and I’ll certainly be back. I’m also looking forward to reading that article – thanks for the link.


Comment by Heather

shoot. i can’t get to the article – either by your link or via Can you send it to me? Pretty please?

Comment by Heather

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