Two Years and Counting

Mystery or Mastery
November 29, 2007, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I made our first appointment today with a fertility specialist. I guess this is the first step towards getting pregnant. Or, not really the first step, since we’ve been taking the first steps since January, but this is the logical next step I guess.

I’ve found a very insightful article about infertility on the Presbyterian website “By Faith Online.” It’s called Infertility: Mastery or Mystery. My church is Presbyterian, but I didn’t go looking specifically for a presbyterian’s viewpoint of infertility. I was googling something a month or so ago, and this popped up. I’ve read it three times since then. It talks about how when we experience infertility, we’re reminded that God is the giver and sustainer of all life, and we are not in control of our lives. The author compares the mystery of infertility as talked about in the bible (Sarah, Rebekah, Elizabeth, Hahhah, and Rachel all experienced infertility, or barrenness) with our culture’s need to master infertility and other diseases, and our desire to have a suffering- and pain-free existence. She says, “Suffering in a godly way, waiting on God to act, can have the effect of producing wisdom, humility, and patience (see James 1:2-5)—virtues desperately needed in the world.” She also quotes bio-ethicist C. Ben Mitchell, who says, “…trials, including infertility, are sometimes brought into believers’ lives as an encouragement to pray.”

I keep thinking there must be some reason God has so far kept us from getting pregnant and having a baby. Maybe the reason is to teach me (or us) a lesson in humility—acknowledging that God does not owe us a child—or in wisdom and patience—learning to trust God’s timetable, rather than trying to control everything myself. Maybe he’s waiting to teach us to come to him in fervent prayer, instead of haphazard and infrequent prayers. Maybe it’s another reason entirely.

Then another part of me thinks that it could have something to do with environmental factors. I always seem to stumble upon articles talking about how the cosmetics and lotions we use on a daily basis are full of toxins that supposedly contribute to everything from break-outs to infertility, or how water pipes, pesticides, and toxins in the air all contribute to decreased fertility. I usually just try to put these things out of my mind because it’s just too big to think about trying to rid my life of all these things that may or may not affect fertility (not to mention overall health). I’ve yet to find many lotions or shampoos that don’t include parabens or sodium laureth sulfate, buying all organic groceries is more than my food budget can handle, and I can’t do a thing about the air I breathe.

Couple this with the fact that infertility is much more talked about these days, even more than just ten years ago. Maybe that’s because people are more comfortable talking about it now. But could it be because the incidence of infertility is actually on the rise? If it’s on the rise, I know part of it is because many women are waiting longer to have children, but part of it could also be due to these increased environmental factors that are more toxic than in years past.

But even when I think maybe my inability to get pregnant has some environmental reason (since there seems, so far, to be no medical reason), there’s the voice that reminds me that God is still in control of it all. Nothing happens to me that is outside of his control. Regardless of what the reason is, he’s allowing this time in our life for a reason. I’ll probably never know why I’m having to wait longer to get pregnant, but if it serves some purpose for good, and God promises me that it will be for my good, then so be it. I just pray that he keeps us on the path of his will for us, and that he leads us to make wise decisions as we continue in this journey.


November 28, 2007, 8:00 pm
Filed under: Intro

Here’s a little about me. As my blog title says, we’re at two years and counting–two years being the answer we gave when people started asking when we’d have kids. We started hearing this question very soon after we got married! We decided we’d just have a stock answer ready, and two years sounded good to us. It was far enough away not to scare us, but close enough to satisfy people who wondered. Plus, we figured after having two years of getting to know each other, traveling, and doing fun things, we’d be ready to add to our family. Admittedly, we quietly started trying earlier than we originally planned, saying we wanted a head start “just in case” it took us longer to get pregnant than we thought. Well, we’re now past the two-year point, and that “just in case” is our reality. We’ve officially been TTC (to use really annoying internet abbreviations) since January of this year, so we’re just shy of the dreaded one-year mark, when people (doctors) start putting labels on you (actually, my regular ob-gyn has already coded me as an “infertility” case on my chart at her office.)

We’ve both had preliminary tests done and everything has come back normal. My doctor recently gave us some recommendations of fertility specialists, and we’re now at the point where we’re deciding who we want to go see. We’re not sure if we’re ready to jump into the infertility game all the way, or if we just want to go talk to someone and see what our options are. I still feel confident that we will in fact get pregnant and have a baby sometime relatively soon, but each month that goes by in which we time things as well as we can, yet my period comes anyway, makes me wonder if there is an obstacle in the way that we need a doctor to help us remove in order to accomplish our goal of a healthy pregnancy and healthy child.

My husband and I are both Christians and fully believe that God is in control of everything, including our future and whatever children we do or do not have. This knowledge and belief is immensely comforting and helpful most of the time, but doubt and worry do creep in my mind at times, and I’m hoping having a place to flesh out my feelings on paper…er, screen…will help me gain a firmer grip on things. My prayer notebook helps me guide my quiet times in the morning or evening (on the days that I actually make time for it), but during the day when thoughts pop into my head, I’ll try to make sense of them here.